HAMMERED
Back in my drinking and drugging days, we referred to someone who got really drunk as "hammered." I used to get hammered frequently in my younger years. Often, I would take so many drugs that they allowed me to drink much more than I could have without the stimulants. Waking up the next morning with a pounding headache and only vague memories was the story of my life back then. Much to my shame.
You see, I was running away. I was escaping the memories and nightmares. Escaping from the church and its people, from Him, the only One who could help me reclaim what was lost.
To make a long story short, I got clean and sober after a significant intervention from the Holy Spirit in my life. I returned to church, was led to attend college, participated in therapy, and joined Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings. There, I learned the 12 steps that have helped millions of people over the past few decades. Eventually, I graduated and became a credentialed substance abuse counselor.
After losing everything, including my dog, I left the man-made church and found my way to a Torah community. There, I learned about His feast days and ancient paths, and I began to see messages of recovery in every Torah portion.
This week's Torah portion is Terumah, which provides detailed instructions for building a tabernacle in the desert, allowing Him to dwell among His people. Let's reflect on how we ended up in the middle of the wilderness!
Genesis tells the story of our beginnings:
Adam and Eve, who made choices influenced by the serpent's lies, blamed, shamed, and felt a disconnect when held accountable by their Maker. Their decisions affected their children, notably in the story of
Cain and Abel. Jealousy and violence, manifested in this sibling rivalry, ultimately led to murder.
Abraham and Sarah, infertility, deception, favoritism,
Hagar Ishmeal, abuse, rejection and survival,
Issac and Rebecca's parental favoritism and manipulation,
Jacob, Leah, and Rachel, competition, jealousy, emotional neglect,
Jacob and his sons experienced generational trauma and violence ie sibling rivalry and hatred.
Judah and Tamar power abuse and hypocrisy
These early accounts mark the beginning of our first dysfunctional family.
Genesis shares the story of God's redeeming love and His rescue from captivity and slavery. It recounts the famous account of the rescue at the Sea of Reeds. where protection was granted as they were pursued into the sea of reeds. There was provision in the wilderness, along with continued protection from the elements.
Now we find ourselves in this wilderness, still guided and protected by a Pillar of Cloud that provides for our needs.
As He walked in the cool of the day with Adam and Eve, even in the wilderness, His desire remains the same: draw closer to His people. He now gives Moses detailed instructions to build a tabernacle so that He may dwell with His people. His instructions given on Mt Sinai, where we all said, we will obey His instructions, our disobedience did not dissuade Him from pursuing a relationship with us…His faithfulness endured.
The detailed instructions bring us to this week's Torah portion. Teruah Offering, uplifted gift, contribution
The one thing that jumped out at me was Exodus 25:36
36 Their calyxes and their branches shall be of one piece with it, the whole of it a single piece of hammered work of pure gold. 37 You shall make seven lamps for it. And the lamps shall be set up so as to give light on the space in front of it.
This passage brought a flood of thoughts.
A single piece was to be shaped and refined into pure gold. Sometimes I have felt this hammering—not the kind from my drinking days, but rather a process of refining my character defects, those that block His light from shining through to those who are seeking light in this dark world. The "single piece" spoke volumes to me about the body of the Messiah being one, with each person having unique talents and gifts to offer Him, serving as a light to a sick and suffering world.
We need to be hammered and refined. That can be a very long, painful process for some of us!
I love to share resources, especially recovery tools, and one of the best I've discovered on my journey is the 12 Steps of Recovery. Before you dismiss it, please take a moment to consider this: they are effective because their foundation is rooted in His word! because their foundation is rooted in His word!
How Terumah connects to the Twelve Steps
Terumah mirrors the Twelve Steps because both begin with willingness and the offering of an honest heart. The portion opens with giving “from every heart that is willing,” which echoes Steps 1–3: admitting powerlessness, believing restoration is possible, and turning your will over. The building of the inner sanctuary parallels Step 4’s moral inventory and Step 5’s truth‑telling, while the Menorah’s light reflects the clarity of Steps 6–7. The Table of the Presence aligns with Steps 8–9, where amends and nourishment restore relationship, and the Courtyard’s boundaries resemble Step 10’s daily maintenance. Finally, the Tabernacle, as a place where presence dwells, reflects Steps 11–12, in which prayer, meditation, and service turn recovery into a lived offering. In this way, Terumah becomes a spiritual blueprint for the inner reconstruction that recovery requires.
Mark 12 35-44
In the Brit Hadasha portion of this week's Torah reading, we learn about the widow who gave everything she had. This story highlights the themes of the Widow’s Offering and the long journey of recovery from addiction and trauma. She may have lost everything due to her husband's gambling addiction or sex addiction, spending all his money on prostitutes, contracting a venereal disease, and ultimately his passing and leaving her a widow... We do not know her backstory; we can only speculate what her life was like, a woman alone in this era, this culture.
A Poetic Meditation on Terumah, the Widow, and Recovery
In the quiet places of the soul, where old wounds still breathe, and the past still echoes, the Holy One whispers the same invitation spoken in the wilderness: Bring Me an offering from every heart that is willing. Not perfect. Not polished. Just willing.
Terumah begins with fragments—threads, clasps, bits of metal carried through fire and wandering. Recovery begins the same way. We come with what remains after the storm: a little honesty, a little hope, a little breath. These are the materials of a sanctuary.
And then, across centuries, a widow steps into the Temple courts with two coins pressed warm in her palm. She gives not from abundance, but from the place where trust is born in scarcity. Her offering is the heartbeat of Terumah made flesh. She teaches us that God measures not the size of the gift, but the courage it takes to release it.
So it is with healing. Trauma scatters us. Addiction hollows us. But the rebuilding comes through small, steady offerings: a truth spoken, a boundary held, a prayer whispered when the night is long. These are the boards and curtains of the inner Tabernacle. These are the coins that ring in heaven.
The sanctuary rises slowly. Not all at once. Not without trembling. But every willing offering—every step, every surrender, every moment of choosing life—becomes another place where Presence can dwell.
And in time, we discover the quiet miracle:
God builds holy places out of what we thought was too little.
God builds holy places out of us.
We have come to the end of this Torah portion. I hope this has blessed you. You can reach me through my website, moderndaysamaritan.com. I am a certified mental health recovery coach, and if you need a word of encouragement or some direction on your journey, feel free to email me. themoderndaysamaritanwoman@gmail.com Til next week, shalom
